9 Snarky Tweets from Canadians and North Americans

Here are a few late-breaking alerts from Nunavut and P.E.I.

Jan. 13, 2017: P.E.I. health officials declare an outbreak at a high school

Jan. 14, 2017: Newfoundland and Labrador declares avian flu outbreak, 23 of the province’s 27 schools require disinfecting.

Consequences (all included with the names): Public health officials say the other provinces will have to dig out of this Canadian flu-induced cash crunch.

Montreal – Aeroplan caps free air miles – because of foreign travel – for Canadian infirm Americans and the balance in their free miles goes to the North Pacific Freedom Fund.

Related: Of the 2.6 billion frequent flyer miles (that’s in the air miles account, not the luggage allowances) the Canadian government can say for sure, only 18 billion have been “earned,” and can’t account for the rest.

Jan. 20, 2017: Quebec official says there are no new cases of avian flu.

Early reports that there would be were found to be premature. But the bird flu virus isn’t dead yet. And Canada hasn’t declared an outbreak. There are still enough infected birds to spare a second wave, and still enough avian flu viruses living around to infect some, with potential for new strains.

On New Year’s, Americans will learn that Canada has decided not to say all 10 major species flu exist and will hang on to that million-dollar carrot and hope the U.S. does the same.

Two influenza pandemics of 1918 and 1918. Snarling untold hundreds of millions of Americans, killing thousands.

Jan. 21, 2017: Vancouver schools staff held down for three days to control annual illness.

School shut down for a week.

Feb. 17, 2017: Surrey hospital doesn’t know where it will send Canadians from Quebec infected with the H7N9 bird flu.

Early estimates had no more than 100 would arrive by the end of June. Of the remainder, the provinces and territories would quickly have to come up with “health beds” for sick patients of influenza A, B, C and N as well as patients with H7N9.

Feb. 20, 2017: Recalled baby bottles contain bacteria.

The parents of Canadian babies were told that their beverages were OK. Bottles, however, were being recalled after a Kansas microbiologist said he discovered contaminated drinking glasses in a sample.

P.E.I. shuts down other schools.

There was no widespread outbreak of bird flu at public elementary and secondary schools in P.E.I. – but schools are the stuff of who knows what, especially in the 2017-18 academic year. So parents became suspicious, and tried to warn their children.

Feb. 21, 2017: CUPE announces worker strike

Parents can expect weekend traffic jams on roads leading to Nova Scotia.

Feb. 28, 2017: Manitoba orders puffer fishers out, saying they can’t maintain fish stocks.

The province’s high commissioner to Ireland says Newfoundland and Labrador should get its own puffer-fishing industry.

March 4, 2017: Alaska official orders prongs removed from bucket chairs because of bacteria concerns.

Public health officials say meat in Alaska is safe; that bacteria is confined to the surfaces in which it was handled, which is why a bucket seat is likely bacteria-strewn, versus the plates and bowls which are a mess and potentially open breeding grounds for pathogens.

The Popular Mechanics Time Travelers’ Calendar has – for $24.95 – a suitably heinous, time-tested look at a bloody slaughter in the first week of every century, no matter the outcome.

This year, Tim Geithner seeks to send America off in October and apparently feels the White House mess to bits.

He’s expected to be serving as Hillary Clinton’s running mate.

The consensus on punditry is that any appointment by Hillary will be a disaster for Hillary.

March 5, 2017: Some pigs in a Montreal grocery store poop in the middle of the aisle.

Shoppers were disgusted. Reporters were red-faced. But really, didn’t they just pick up their cart and go?

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